Fucking Oprah

BLAARRRGH!!!

That's the new sound of frustration. Blargh.

For years Oprah and I have had and understanding. We don't like each other. I think she's full of shit and she doesn't mess with my world for fear of my internet blogging wrath... hey I work with what's here. But no... no no no... Oprah had to go and stick her wannabe worldly, do-gooder ass in my bidnezzz. The Oprah Book Club. Most of Oprah books are... well why pull punches now, they suck. They're shit, tripe, bollucks, crap, worst. books. ever. But fine.. she want's to promote mindless drivel to her slakjawed masses, that's fine by me. But suddenly... someone has suggested that Oprah broaden her horizons and thus, she's crossed the line. William Faulkner is now an Oprah Book Club author. To hell with you Orpah and your damned PR people with you! William Faulkner, one of the greatest writers of the written word has now been brought down to the leave of afternoon fluff tv. Now some of you may be saying... "but herr Nelson, surely you're wrong! This will bring three of the great works of literature to the masses!" No, and don't call me Shirley (thank you Leslie Nielsen).

The theory that through Oprah's popularity the book will be brought to a whole vat of folks in dire need of enlightenment is a nice one but there's a problem you see; people are stupid. More precisely, people who watch Oprah and buy her book club books are stupid. Not all of course... no nevermind, I'm in no mood to be my normal not wanting to step on toes Canadian self, if you watch Oprah you've wasted 1 hour of your life that you will never get back... it's like slowly committing suicide. To illustrate my point here's some reviews from Amazon of the Faulkner Oprah book club 3 book set:

"I really disliked this story. People don't speak the way this is written. I read books for entertainment and it is not entertaining when you have to wonder all through the book what in the world the author's talking about. How did Faulkner ever get so famous? I felt like a kid asking "what did he mean by" and "what does this mean"? I will never take an Oprah review seriously again. She really missed the boat on this one!" - Kneesa... maybe you felt like a kid because you have the intelligence of a 12 year old, stay with your Archie comics and leave the big books to mommy and daddy.

Another: "It is so depressing. Do people live like this? I am not sure of the message here. I will read the other two; maybe they are better." - Karen M. Berkhofer... awww poor you, did da bad bwook make you sawd? There there... you take your blanky and have a cwookie, we don't need dose sawd bwooks.

Lastly: "This book is extremely difficult to follow the language used and the constant change of character. I still have not finished this one to start the others but Sparknotes is a good resource to get through difficult texts & has proven beneficial in getting me through some of this one. I am not quitting reading this, I have accepted the challenge :)" - K.E.M.S.... yay for you... Knows Every Made Star Trek, you're such a trooper! Buying a book to read and then buying Sparknotes to figure out what it means is kinda like accepting a job as an radioactive gorilla groomer and then running home to Ask Jeeves what exactly that is. No sort of help me I'm dumb book should be used for a book you buy just cause. If you have to read some warped middle or old english version of Beowulf for some dink professors sadistic pleasure then fine, but if you're reading just cause... figure the shit out or don't buy it!

You see my point? An amazing author like Faulkner being reduced to "people don't speak the way this is written". BLARGH! This is why Oprah is now on the permanent shit list. If someone said they didn't care for the book and presented a decent arguement for why, fine, not everyone agrees with Faulkner's views, but I don't like it cause it's hard... piss off! Stick to your fucking Oprah and Dr. Phil, read your daily Dibert and sip on a large cup of shut the hell up!