Like's short and hard...

... like a bodybuilding elf. -- one of the greatest lines ever in music, thank you Jimmy Pop Ali


Work today has sucked, just sucked.

I have to make this post though because I was subject to the worst, most base form of humour going today, brought on by the advances made in technology and perpetrated by people with no actual wit or sense of humour, nevermind intelligence barring computer use. Today's nemesis.. the Photoshop humour!

I should have been tipped off when watching Conan O'Brien last night I saw it. He did a piece wherein he shows ads from various newspapers, etc. from around the U.S. This is an old gag started by Johnny Carson I think, made memorable for Saskatchewan folks by David Letterman when he unleashed the power that was Dick Assman on the world, those bits were funny though as they were actual typo's or omissions made by some printing source, or else just poor wording. Conan though... Conan, who I love, don't get me wrong, but Conan simply took any normal add and photoshopped in a caption to make it funny. The problem is, it's so obviously a forgery that it loses it's comedic value. An example... an ad for tools with a picture of a hacksaw among other standard tools with the caption added alongside the hacksaw reading, "The saw of choice for the Gatti family". It's just not as good as the typos. Now however... the meek and witless have gotten their Cheetos stained hands on it resulting in the latest trend, coming soon to a Fwd: near you... the billboard gags! Billboards and signs used to be funny when you found the odd one that seemed to convey another message. The classics, "Pork, the one you love", "Beer, Shotguns, Wedding Dresses" out front a Texas gas station/convenience store, and my personal favourite taken outside a strip club "50 hot women and 1 ugly one". Pure gold. But today I got a forward for signs only to discover that it was simply a collection of some moron's display of how adept they were with photoshop. Billboards that simply can't exist because there is no actual use for them... a huge ass billboard, the type you see along side a freeway or notifying you that McDonalds is only 35mins away in North Battleford, this sign though showing an outdoor cafe or something with half the bilboard blacked out reading "If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots". Fuck you Johnny Photoshop! That's a lame ass rhetorical joke pulled from a coffee perks and shopped into some poor unsuspecting billboard. The picture has nothing to do with the message and the message is fucking dumb! You are not funny, stop what you are doing and shut your testicles in a cupboard door as punisment. If a cupboard door is not available then seek someone to shoot you with a BB gun. Repeatedly. If Johnny Photoshop is actually Jenny Photoshop then... and those playing poker last night know it's coming.... you're a dirty pirate hooker, go back to Whore Island where you will recieve your punch straight to the baby maker!

Those who haven't seen Anchorman think I'm an ass.. well maybe some others do too, say the meek photoshoppers. Those who have seen Anchorman are too busy shaking with laughter... DIRTY PIRATE HOOKER!! I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE WOMB!!