P.K. Subban

What the hell is the Norris Trophy for?  I thought it was for the best defenceman in the NHL but if Subban is a question mark for Team Canada then it must be for something else.  Oh and good job sitting in the penalty box during the OT tonight.

huh, figures.

Just reading some of my old posts from 6 years ago, I appeared bitter and rather haughty.  Funny I should now complain about people whining and bitching on Facebook when I apparently had an entire blog devoted to it. Ah well, older wiser and oddly less bitter or maybe the bitter is more focused, on to some thoughts on a chilly night!

Sid Seixeiro needs to reign his shit in.  For those not familiar, he's a... well radio guy I guess but he's one of those sportsnet radio on tv guys.  He does an afternoon show called Tim and Sid with Tim Micallef.  Maybe he's been doing this for years but it seems new to me but his schtick is every once in awhile he "loses his shit" on some topic and starts ranting and raving, shouting and being essentially unintelligible.  I don't mean you can understand him I just mean he doesn't make sense.  At first I thought it was a joke but then I realized he's actually trying to be impassioned about something, unfortunately he just doesn't make a lot of sense and leaves giant holes in his arguments.  That actually brings up another point, the sportsnet fellas really need to put themselves in a more debate worthy forum.  As I know it the only way you can respond to anything they say is via twitter and then it's a toss up whether they'll see or acknowledge it.  Add to that the 140 character limit and most tweets are of the "no ur wrong" "leafs suck" and "Ron Paul 2014".

While I'm on the topic of Sportsnet people, can we just acknowledge that the majority of personalities on there have some sort of issue with Brian Burke?  Christ it's annoying to hear you guys tear a guy apart on air and chortle amongst yourself about how funny you are/awful he is.  Especially considering you do nothing to give credit to any success he may have, it's always someone else... good lord he's been employed by NHL teams for how long but you still think he's terrible?  He's only ever been unemployed for as long as he wanted, I guess you all should be making twice the money you are and working for some club in the front office since you obviously have all the answers.  Give it a rest already.

Seven million a season is too much for Dion Phaneuf. I understand why the Leafs felt the need to sign him, they literally have no one else and have no prospects really but it's still too much.  Add David Clarkson's massive contract and you have nearly 13 million tied up in two players who combined should be well under 10.  But oh yeah, Brian Burke was all that was wrong with the Leafs.

Suspended for how long??

Couple things I need to get put down regarding the NHL this year and the high number of suspensions that have been handed down by the league.  I don't have a problem per say with the suspensions themselves but more with the seemingly arbitrary length of the suspension.  It's difficult to tell what infraction gets what suspension and the more that are handed out, the less sense they're making.  Today marked another absolute mindfuck when it comes out to being able to guess what someone will get, the problem here is it's sending a confusing message to fans and players.  There is no "don't do this, you'll get 5 games for it" because what one guy gets 5 games for another gets 1 for.

Personally the most polarizing occurrences happened during the Boston Bruins/Pittsburgh Penguins game... I dunno think it was November sometime.  The Shawn Thornton (ST) Brooks Orpik head punch and the James Neal (JN) Brad Marchand head knee.  ST got 15 games for his takedown and knockout of Orpik.  Now I'm not arguing he shouldn't have got suspended.  It was after the play,  it was born out of Orpik's (dirty) hit on Ericksson (let's face it, 8 months ago in the playoffs that was a 5, game, and a 2 game suspension.  The only difference was Eller busted his face open and Ericksson just didn't get on skates for a month.  Blown call and Orpik knows it), it was a bad idea.  Now JN's was a crime of opportunity, a knee in the head of known pest Marchand while he was down on hands and knees for which he got 5 games for.

Here's my issue with this.  ST has never been suspended and while a known tough guy he plays a regular shift and usually ends up in the 20 point range.  He even plays a regular shift in the playoffs where he rarely fights.  He's also never even been considered for a suspension, all in all a clean, tough, player.  He gets 15 games mostly based on the look of what happened.

JN gets 5 games.  JN has been suspended twice previously on incredibly intentionally dirty plays.  These are accidental head hits or hits from behind, these are going out to try and hurt someone suspensions.  Ok, number 1: the message apparently isn't getting through.  Number  2: part of the reasoning behind ST's 15 games was that it "was a non-hockey play" hear that guys?  Kneeing in the head is considered a "hockey play".  Number 3:  you can't even knee someone in the head when they're on their hands and knees in the UFC. How can what would get you disqualified and fined in an organization called "ultimate fighting championship" only get you 5 games in the NHL.  Especially on your 3rd suspension!

Bottom line, the NHL is suspending based on what is seen on TV not by what is done on the ice and it's wrong.  Just because someone appears to be more seriously injured than another player does not make the infraction any less violent or wrong.  You want to clean up the game and get rid of the dirty plays?  Suspend guys for the crime not for the harm.  Joffery Lupul fully intentionally cross checked a guy in the head and got fined $10K for his 2nd infraction.  If the guy he hit missed time with a concussion I can't help but think he'd have got games, that's wrong.  Oh and regarding ST and JN, were it that they were both first offences... if ST is 15 games JN has to be 10 at least.  Furthermore if you've already got a suspension, your second offence is and automatic 5 game minimum and your third is an auto 10 minimum.  It's one thing to try and get rid of the dirty hits but there's no reason any player should be getting suspended repeatedly.

I'm back!

I've been getting annoyed with some things lately and decided I needed to pull out a soapbox to rant on.  Thought about Facebook but frankly I'm annoyed with most things on Facebook and the last thing I wanted to do was add my voice to the thousands of complaining #fml #firstworldproblems #mylifesohard #whydoyouputthisontheinternet #cryforattention posts and status updates that are already on there.  Hint: If you've found I haven't liked or commented on your status in a long time, it's probably cause I hid your updates because they either frustrated me or just got really tiresome, it's not personal... well no it's completely personal but it's not mean, far better than my posting "you complain too much" on your status.

Anyway, now that that's dealt with, on to what's been bugging me.  Lots of sport stuff lately, opinions on bars... ohhh so many opinions.  Let it never be said that I'm not aware of my opinionated nature, occasionally I can even be an opinionated asshole, frankly I'm aware of those moments and generally regret the fact I actually got annoyed to the point of being said opinionated asshole.  Honestly hard feelings are never intended and I think I look more intense than I actually am, regardless it bums me out when it happens cause it puts a damper on the evening.  I've had two occasions at least that come to mind where Robin Baerg and I have been talking about one thing or another and it got borderline heated, I was wrong in both.

With that said, on with the blog!

Rhett's guide to Love and Relationships in 2008 or why guys suck

Something happened recently that has sparked me to the heart, nay the very core! It has led me to reach deep into the back of the bookcase, dust off ye olde soapbox and climb aboard. That's right, look the fuck out here comes another slightly intelligent mostly irreverent, kinda insightful and completely inept rant!
What the hell happened with the world to make insecurity the new sexay thing to be? I have 3 smoking hot, intelligent friends who've started dating guys with all the self-confidence of a snail. I'm now friends at an arms length with these women because said snail men are threatened by me, cause obviously women spontaneously have sex with me all the time. These are guys who in some cases will not go out to a club with their girlfriend cause guys might hit on her and that makes him sad. Dude if you don't want your girlfriend getting hit on then date someone really unattractive and buy her terrible clothes cause frankly, if you're dating an attractive girl she's gonna get hit on, if she's really attractive she's gonna get hit on a lot and if you can't deal with that the do the girl who you claim to like a lot or even love a favour and get the fuck out cause lord knows all you're going to do is blame her for it, like she somehow called ahead to have her name put on a "get hit on by random guys" list at the bar. Seriously it's the lamest thing ever, if she didn't like you or wasn't interested in you then she wouldn't be dating you, figure it out don't act like the intelligent girl you're with will somehow turn into a moral-less fuck zombie as soon as Joe Dick comes up to her to say she looks great. Guys like Joe Dick were saying that before you came along and guys like Joe Dick will be saying that after you're gone and they never got a blowjob for doing it so quit being stupid. From what I can tell these guys meet these strong, intelligent, sexy women and then essentially want to put them in a cage, figuratively speaking. They really would rather they had no male friends or interaction for that matter, which is frankly rude. You're basically saying I don't want you to hang out with that guy cause you'll end up having sex... presumably because the woman has no morals, self-respect or brain apparently. What makes even less sense is that the women stay with it... why the hell would you stay there? Is it a matronly thing, like your motherly instincts pop up cause you're dating a 5 year old? I used to talk to a girl in Toronto until one day her bf and she had yet another arguement about me, I used to call maybe once a month to see how she was doing. We can't talk anymore cause he felt threatened by me... I'm 4500 fucking kms away Dan, what the hell are you thinking. I know I know, I'm sounding pretty harsh here but honestly, some things just aren't meant to be, trying to create a world where you and her are the last 2 people on earth so she stays with you is creepy as fuck. If it's gonna work it'll work, saying I don't want you talking or hanging out with some guy will only jam a wedge between you that will eventually split you apart. Oddly enough in all 3 cases the guys were cheated on by someone in the past making them hurt and untrusting and weak and blah blah blah boo hoo. I'm sorry I totally do have sympathy for a person who's been cheated on, as far as I know I haven't been but really... if you're dating someone who has it in their capacity to cheat on you they will cheat on you whether they hang out with guy friends or not, if anything trying to prevent them from hanging out with guys will probably just lead them to cheat sooner. Using the fact that some hateful person from your past cheated on you as reason for why your new gf isn't allowed to have guy friends is just being pathetic, expecting a girl to stay with you after is idiocy to an extreme - why would anyone want to stay in a relationship where it's being implied that they can't be trusted. I understand that sometimes a bit of jealousy can feel nice, like that moment where someone is showing that they do care about you enough to not like the way some guy was talking to you or something, but freaking out about it... my brother please!

Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest, mail me if you have comments or want clarification about something... and for heaven's sake people, if you're strong and intelligent... don't you deserve respect from someone who says they like you?

Fuck Ya

I have no reason to be excited, just felt like giving a good Fuck Ya on my first post in a long long ass time. Hmmm.... well... I also have nothing much more to say, no rants pending, well that's not quite right there's always rants pending but I don't feel like doing that right now... I have no muse to enlighten me.

Sometime soon I may make a better post but for today, this is enough in my mind.

Allow me to help myself to a bit of your weak self-help ass

Ahhh…. Yesterday’s soul cleansing hammering of Oprah and her godforsaken book club has left me feeling as giddy as a school boy touching a girls bum for the first time at the school dance. As such, I feel I should extend my “makin’ shit right” streak to two days. And so for today I shall delve into the world of the self-help book.

I know, you’re thinkin’ “but Herr Rhett this is such an easy mark!” and you’re right it is. Damn near everyone in the world seems to think that the whole self-help book idea is about as diabolically stupid as something can be but for whatever reason this is a area that pulls in roughly 8 bazillion dollars a year in the states alone so some twits are buying it. Thus, allow me to explain the theory behind self-help books.

Let’s begin by looking at the name… Self-help. Ok, now a book telling you how to live your life seems to contain very little helping on your part, a better name would be, “You’re a weak minded insecure twit who needs to be told how to be happy-book” but that doesn’t fit well on the shelves at the bookstore. Although on second thought it is mildly appropriate, as in “let me help myself to your money”… ya, that works. For example… in Tony Robbins’, the walkin’, talkin’, informercial of the modern world, book… one of ‘em, fucked if I care which, they’re all the damn same anyhow, all he does is plug other books, cd’s, and seminars… i.e. “I’ll help you be a better person by showing you blah, but for that you’ll have to buy my cd and come see me in Lake fucking Tahoe my man!” Reading between the lines… no wait, it’s not even between the lines it’s right fucking there, gimmie cash! And people do this. I know of a girl who’s gone to New York, Toronto, Vegas… she’s traveled all over the place just to see Tony goddamn Robbins! I’m not talking “I happened to be in NY”, I’m talking went just to see him, screw everything else in NY, Tony Robbins is there. How fucked up is that? Ok.. mister Robbins, if you’re shit actually worked why do people have to keep buying crap to be a good and happy person? Isn’t that about right? If the book actually worked there would only need to be one, no damn cd’s and shit? On this topic everyone go read Generica by Will Ferguson right now, go!

Alright, got a little worked up there. Ok. Now besides the fact that they’re obviously just after cash, they’re frauds to top it all off. To give you an idea… there’s some sort of “technique” called NLP, I have no idea what that is but in the bit of research I’ve done I’ve come across the term repeatedly. Anyway, Robbins… and I don’t mean to only hack on him, they’re all worth it but he happens to be the one I read about most. As I was saying, Robbins has something called NAC which is NLP reworded and copyrighted. This is common, even in the world of Physiotherapy there was a new technique called “Active Release Therapy”, I won’t get into what exactly it is but essentially it was something that physio’s had been doing for ages but some bloke came along and thought, “hey if I put a copyright on this, stick my name on it and call it something catchy I could take home wonderful cash prizes!”. And he/she did while physio’s who had been doing it for ages grumped not so much for not thinking of it but because their profession was reduced to the level of Jerry Springer essentially… just not professional. I can understand Robbins doing this in the dog eat dog world of motivational speakers though, I mean where as a physio is recognized as a health care provider by… well everyone, Blue Cross, Doctors, the Government and folks aren’t supposed to be pricks, everyone recognizes that the self-help world is only after cash… well everyone but the dumbass folks giving them cash.

The biggest fraud of all though has been uncovered recently though, you’d think this would slow down the mighty motivational ball but it didn’t even pause, the guppies are good and brainwashed so it’s far too late. A cornerstone of all motivational speakers has been a study conducted at Yale University. This is such a huge thing to them that I’ve even had a girl I know pull it out on me during an argument that consisted of me telling her self-help books were crap and her not listening while telling me how great her life is since Tony told her how to live. The basic jist of the study is thusly:

In 1953 the graduating class of Yale University was asked if they had written down goals for their future, 3% had. The other 97% wrote down phone numbers of the hot chicks or something, but it weren’t goals. 20 years later, the surviving (surviving? What the fuck happened in 20 years?) class was surveyed and it was found that those 3% that had written down their goals were more financially successful than the other 97% combined! (the exclamation sets that off so well). Holy shit eh? Better git yo azz writin’ down some goals fo sho. The problem with this amazing study is that it never actually took place, and yes there is documented proof of this I’m just too lazy to site them… mail me if you’re in dire need of verification, better yet type in a google search for “Yale goal study” or something like that ya lazy bastard. Anyway in searching for the actual study it could not be found. Some fellow contacted Yale to discover that it in fact never happened, no one was asked about goals or whatever. Now you’d think that a blow like that to the Self-helpies would rock their world to the core and bring it tumbling down, but no, the fucking morons are so brainwashed into thinking they need this that they don’t even question it. Stupid.

Fucking Oprah

BLAARRRGH!!!

That's the new sound of frustration. Blargh.

For years Oprah and I have had and understanding. We don't like each other. I think she's full of shit and she doesn't mess with my world for fear of my internet blogging wrath... hey I work with what's here. But no... no no no... Oprah had to go and stick her wannabe worldly, do-gooder ass in my bidnezzz. The Oprah Book Club. Most of Oprah books are... well why pull punches now, they suck. They're shit, tripe, bollucks, crap, worst. books. ever. But fine.. she want's to promote mindless drivel to her slakjawed masses, that's fine by me. But suddenly... someone has suggested that Oprah broaden her horizons and thus, she's crossed the line. William Faulkner is now an Oprah Book Club author. To hell with you Orpah and your damned PR people with you! William Faulkner, one of the greatest writers of the written word has now been brought down to the leave of afternoon fluff tv. Now some of you may be saying... "but herr Nelson, surely you're wrong! This will bring three of the great works of literature to the masses!" No, and don't call me Shirley (thank you Leslie Nielsen).

The theory that through Oprah's popularity the book will be brought to a whole vat of folks in dire need of enlightenment is a nice one but there's a problem you see; people are stupid. More precisely, people who watch Oprah and buy her book club books are stupid. Not all of course... no nevermind, I'm in no mood to be my normal not wanting to step on toes Canadian self, if you watch Oprah you've wasted 1 hour of your life that you will never get back... it's like slowly committing suicide. To illustrate my point here's some reviews from Amazon of the Faulkner Oprah book club 3 book set:

"I really disliked this story. People don't speak the way this is written. I read books for entertainment and it is not entertaining when you have to wonder all through the book what in the world the author's talking about. How did Faulkner ever get so famous? I felt like a kid asking "what did he mean by" and "what does this mean"? I will never take an Oprah review seriously again. She really missed the boat on this one!" - Kneesa... maybe you felt like a kid because you have the intelligence of a 12 year old, stay with your Archie comics and leave the big books to mommy and daddy.

Another: "It is so depressing. Do people live like this? I am not sure of the message here. I will read the other two; maybe they are better." - Karen M. Berkhofer... awww poor you, did da bad bwook make you sawd? There there... you take your blanky and have a cwookie, we don't need dose sawd bwooks.

Lastly: "This book is extremely difficult to follow the language used and the constant change of character. I still have not finished this one to start the others but Sparknotes is a good resource to get through difficult texts & has proven beneficial in getting me through some of this one. I am not quitting reading this, I have accepted the challenge :)" - K.E.M.S.... yay for you... Knows Every Made Star Trek, you're such a trooper! Buying a book to read and then buying Sparknotes to figure out what it means is kinda like accepting a job as an radioactive gorilla groomer and then running home to Ask Jeeves what exactly that is. No sort of help me I'm dumb book should be used for a book you buy just cause. If you have to read some warped middle or old english version of Beowulf for some dink professors sadistic pleasure then fine, but if you're reading just cause... figure the shit out or don't buy it!

You see my point? An amazing author like Faulkner being reduced to "people don't speak the way this is written". BLARGH! This is why Oprah is now on the permanent shit list. If someone said they didn't care for the book and presented a decent arguement for why, fine, not everyone agrees with Faulkner's views, but I don't like it cause it's hard... piss off! Stick to your fucking Oprah and Dr. Phil, read your daily Dibert and sip on a large cup of shut the hell up!

More time killin'

Well folks, another fantabulous time waster has fallen in my lap… the ‘job predictor’

http://www.jobpredictor.com/

My ideal job is a Dodgem Driver. No I did not misspell that. No I have no fucking idea what a Dodgem is, nor do I have a clue as to where or into what I might be driving it.

There’s some other time wasters on the side, for today my:
Star Wars character: Barquin Dan (apparently a “musician” in the bar)
Work excuse: I have to get my car to the shop; if I don't get it there in half an hour it'll be locked out all weekend. (Don't use if boss seems wide awake).
Ideal car: Subaru… I guess just any Subaru
My Life expectancy: Your Personnel expected death date is 07 May 2052 You have exactly 17129 days to live. Have a nice day.
Footballer: Gordon Banks of England

Ahh… there’s some nice time killed. The job predictor and the footballer are kinda cool.. the rest are a bit wacked. Pains me to learn I’ll die at 76, that’s a bit short really.

80's movies

Here's Seanbaby's listing of the top ten 80's movies:

http://www.thewavemag.com/pagegen.php?pagename=article&articleid=23960


Hee hee heee....

Some Barkley for ya

I love Charles Barkley and his quotes, here are some gems.

- After Ernie asks if Charles has ever been to another country: "I've been to Alabama, that's like a third world country."
- During the Bruno's Memorial Classic Pro-Am: "Cat [Reddick, a female soccer player] was fantastic but when you lose to a woman, it means you suck at something. There are two times when you know you suck at sports -- when you can't beat the women and when you can't beat the smart kids." and later "Like a couple of years ago when I went to the Auburn-Georgia Tech game. We lost and I knew we were in trouble. We couldn't beat the smart guys."
- Ernie was talking about Ray Allen's complaints of Bruce Bowen.Charles: It's called defense, Ernie. I wouldn't know anything about it, personally. But I've heard it through the grapevine.
- "You can't compare preseason to regular season. Preseason is just a way to screw fans out of money."
- After Kenny Smith expressed surprised at Barkley's ability to pronounce Suns guard Leandro Barbosa's name, Charles replied: "I'm bilingual. I speak profanity and English."
- During the '92 Olympics: "Christian (Laettner) is going to be the strongest man in the NBA next year, because all he's been doing all summer is carrying around the luggage for 11 guys."
- To Kenny: "Oh man! I can't stand the X-Files! I don't believe in Extra-Terrestrials... until I saw your girlfriend one night. She needs to phone home."
- After Ben Gordon made a floater in the Bulls vs. Cavs game...
Charles: That is one shot that every player should learn
Kenny: Yea I am teaching my daughter and son that shot.
Charles: I thought your daughter and son were the same person.
- Question: Any chance down the road of you succeeding David Stern as Commissioner of the NBA?
Barkley: I think the NBA has been very fortunate to have David Stern, and I'm not just blowing smoke. He is easily the best commissioner in sports today. But I am against working. I think working is overrated, so I have no intention right now, or at any time in the near future, to get a real job."
- At All Star Weekend, watching Voshon Leonard shoot threes:
Kenny: You can see he put on a couple pounds.
Chuck: A couple? That's an understatement. That's like calling the Titanic a small boating accident. We could wear the same underwear now!
- Talking about Karl Malone and his retirement on Jay Leno:
Jay Leno: "Karl's in great shape though!"
Charles Barkley: "Me too. Round is a shape!"
- "I hope whoever was in charge of the Halftime show is getting their resume ready" - Charles Barkley on the Country Music Halftime show @ The 2005 NBA All Star Game
- After TNT's Kenny Smith said that the Indiana Pacers' Jermaine O'Neal believes that he is the best forward in the NBA, Charles Barkley said, "Well, I think I am skinny, but that doesn't mean I am."
- Charles to Kenny: "If you think Tony Parker is better than Manu Ginobili, you need to stop drinking before you come in here."
- Said to Karl Malone: "Hey, have you totally given up on the Rogaine thing?"
- Charles Barkley: "I'm so sick of fat people."
Kenny Smith: "Why? You can't live with yourself?"
Barkley: "First of all, they killed Oreos. You know they can't make the Double-Stuff Oreos anymore because fat people can't keep their mouths shut. Now they're killing the McDonald's super-size. Can you believe that? Just because fat people are lazy and don't work out and can't keep they're mouths shut, they have to ruin it for everybody. They'll probably kill ice cream next! Is that my fault they can't stop eating? I'm so sick of these fat people suing these companies. Stop eating!"
- "You should be able to go and pick out one fan a game, and just beat the hell out of him." - Barkley, after watching footage of Denver fans throwing garbage on Latrell Sprewell.
- Latrell Sprewell: "You don't know anything about fashion, Charles."
Charles Barkley: "Both you and Craig Sager think that when you put on a famous designer's clothing, we are supposed to give you a pass on it."
Sprewell: "Hey, a lot of people like what I wear."
Barkley: "Is that Prada?"
Sprewell: "That's right."
Barkley: "What is that...the black J.C. Penney's?"
- On James Jones logging heavy minutes for the depleted Pacers: "I didn't know he was alive until this week."
- About Craig Sager wearing a reflective silver suit to the 2001 NBA All-Star game: "I don't have anything against black people, white people or any kind of people, but when you start letting pimps interview people, that's where I draw the line."
- On a TNT telecast a few years ago, Kenny Smith was going on and on about his two championship rings. He said that, in a show of appreciation for their efforts, he gave one ring to his father and the other to his brother because "they were the ones who helped me get them". Charles quipped, "You should have given them to Hakeem."
- While honoring Cotton Fitzsimmons, Charles tells a story about his Phoenix Suns days: "He had the roof down. I was like, 'It's like 122 degrees out here. Is it always this hot?' Cotton said, 'You’re going to hell one day, so this will help you get used to it.'"
- "You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black."
- TNT's Charles Barkley, after watching a clip of San Antonio's David Robinson getting hit in the groin area by the Lakers' Robert Horry: "It's always funny when it happens to someone else."
- After Kenny Smith declares Yao Ming is the best player on the Houston Rockets: "Next thing you're gonna tell me is that Robert Horry and Rick Fox are the Lakers best players."
- "Half Man, Half Sit-Out-The-Season." -- Barkley, talking about Vince Carter.
- "He was like the guinea pig for Rogaine for black men." -- Charles Barkley, on Karl Malone.
- Charles Barkley, to TNT colleagues Ernie Johnson Jr. and Kenny Smith: "I'm the smartest person on this set. You two are just here for decorations."
- Charles to Ernie on Jeff Burton's car(racing in the daytona 500) having an ad for the NBA all star game on its front: "Y'all didn't have enough money to get Jeff Gordon?"
- On the All Star Game Starters: "That's why you don't let fans vote. Let them come to the game and clap."
- Charles and the gang interviewing Jermaine O'Neal: "Hey Jermaine, did you see Sam Cassell in The Lord of the Rings?"
- At the 1990 game, the Eastern Conference All-Star team was surprised when Charles Barkley raised his hand in a pregame meeting and said he'd like to sketch out a play for the opening tipoff. "This is one we used when Moses [Malone] was in Philadelphia," said Barkley. So Barkley stood, took the chalk, went to the board and drew four players running back to defend their basket. "That sumbitch NEVER won a tip," Barkley said as everyone cracked up.
- On Kevin Eubanks being a vegetarian: "I don't trust people that don't eat meat. Hey Kevin, you know what the difference between me and you is? When I die, I'll die because I was eating bad food. When you die, they'll say 'wooo that Kevin, he as dead as Charles'"
- Danny Ainge called me. I have to apologize to him. Even though he's doing a lousy job, he doesn't want me to say that on TV. Danny Ainge is a good friend of mine. He's made some terrible trades, but he doesn't want me to say that on TV, so I apologize.
- After finding out a guy from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" had called him a Hottie: "I don't like being called a hottie. I want to be called a big, strong, sexy man. Now Rick Fox, he's pretty."
- Charles: "I just want to know one thing, what's up with your hair?"Steve Nash "That's strictly for the ladies, Charles."
- When talking about the dunk that Ricky Davis completely screwed up at the 2004 All-Star weekend's dunk contest: "The operation was a success, but the patient died."
- Cassell shooting over (Earl) Boykins is like shooting over a chair.
- Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names.
- Barkley on Steve Nash winning the MVP: "Steve Nash is a bad white boy. People who think that he got the MVP because he is white, they're just are full of it. This boy is unbelievable. This man is phenomenal. He earned MVP and he deserved MVP."

It can go on and on… the man’s awesome.